Monday, February 1, 2010

Happy Anniversary Tatiana!

How we Met (According to Richard)

I knew when I first saw you I wanted to get to know you better.
Of all the girls in the club that night, you were the one that looked the meanest.
Your eyes were beautiful yet fierce and the look on your face said,
"Why is that weird guy staring at me?"
...even though I was being totally nonchalant so there's no way you could have
known I was secretly checking you out.

I knew I would need a strategy. I looked around the club for something I could use.
A piece of wet string hung off the bottom of the chair...yes, that would do.

On a bar stool, a delivery man had left a clipboard and some papers held together with...
Yes! A paperclip!
On an abandoned table was a half-drunk Appletini with a little toothpick umbrella. Double-Score!
Suddenly, I knew what I had to do! Taking the paperclip, the string and the umbrella (after finishing
the Appletini) I fashioned together a primitive grappling hook. I closed my eyes. This had to work...

Well, whatever happened that night... (I don't fully remember because I blacked out after the Appletini)
...worked because here we are now. We've been married for 8 years. We have four wonderful children Ryan, Leilani, Ian and Gabriella (my own little fire-team! I'll inject them all with Super-Soldier Serum once they're of age...10) and a cute little chihuahua named Mr. Bark McYappers. Well...okay. We don't have a Chihuahua for real...yet anyway.

We've had some good times and we've had some bad times. We've had hard times and we've had harder times. Remember, that time I was really thirsty and I drank a whole bottle of apple juice and then all of a sudden I didn't feel well? Well, that's when I learned too much of a good thing can actually be bad. I also later realized the same principle applied to excessive amounts of cheese. Learning hurts.

You're my compass...because you're so COMPASS-ionate. You truly are an honest and caring person. You're genuine and you're selfless. You make me want to be a better man...which is unfortunately what led to the Bionic Man Debacle of '03, which involved me, some parts I got at the hardware store, a welder and an insanely hair-brained scheme. That was some ambulance ride though!

No matter what happens between us I will always love you. Not even that time you kneed me in the groin after I tried to lay a finger on your crispety-crunchy Butterfinger (TM) could make me love you any less. There is literally nothing in this world that I would trade for your love. Not even a Klondike Bar.
I love you that much.

That night I first saw you I knew you were the one for me. And after I fought off those Ninjas in the alley who were after an ancient Dragon Scroll which had the ability to give whoever recited the words one pure wish, and you swooned and fell into my arms and our lips locked tightly together...I knew you were mine, always and forever. What became of that magic scroll you ask? I tossed it in the trash...because I knew I already had the one and only thing I ever truly wanted. 

I love you Tatiana.

Happy 8th Anniversary!

~Rich (aka Forrest)

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