Friday, February 12, 2010

With this Ring I Thee Bled

A couple days ago I noticed what looked like a little welt on my ring finger, past my knuckle. Well, I put some antibacterial ointment on it and didn't think anything of it but this morning, I realized my finger had become so swollen I couldn't even take my ring off.

So, I see the company medic and sure enough he tells me to go the clinic. I get there later in the afternoon and they look at it, squeeze it and then tell me my ring has to come off because if it continues to swell the ring will cut off my circulation. At this point, I can't even get the ring to come up to my knuckle, my finger is so swollen. It's also incredibly painful and the welt on my finger is incredibly tender.

The docs tell me if they can't get the ring off it will have to be cut off. It's an old plain cheap gold ring, Tatiana got me when we first got married. It's got scratches all over it because I wear it all the time and everywhere I go. Tat has offered to replace it numerous times but I'm sentimental about it.

So, I'm like no waaaaay they're cutting off my wedding ring. They bring a tub of ice to see if it will decrease the swelling. Well after ten minutes of holding it under ice the swelling still hasn't gone down one iota. The only thing it managed to do was slightly numb my finger. So, I start tugging on the ring. The real trick is to twist it. It hurts like no tomorrow and I'm making these grunting noises that sound like an angry constipated bear growling in pain. People in the other patient rooms said they could hear me and thought someone was being tortured in there.

I get it to the knuckle and it's still impossibly stuck on my finger, so I twist even harder and eventually after a lot more grunting I get it off. Whew!

Well, another Doc comes in and she says they want to try and drain whatever is causing the swelling. So now, they come back with an 18 gauge needle. After dabbing some anti-septic on it, they stab the welt on my finger twice in two different spots. It's on a very tender part of my finger so that's painful as all get-out. I'm like, "Rawwwwwwwwwwggggh!" and then one of the medics takes two fingers and squeezes hard where she stabbed me and then I'm like "Awwwwwwwwwrgggghhhh-rawwwwrl-Ha-duuuuu-ken!"

Then another Doc takes a look at it (a Major) and she says to the medic, "'re not doing it hard enough."

I wince. She grabs hold of the finger and squeezes it like no tomorrow and I'm like "Greeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnhhhhhh!" and blood is just pouring out of my finger in a big puddle. Nothing else comes out...just blood. Lots of blood.

So, they put a band-aid on my boo-boo, give me some antibiotics and set me off on my way.

If you want to really know what it feels like, take a hammer to the end of your finger and smash it as hard as you can dead-on...a couple times.

At least, I've still got my old wedding ring.



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